“I’m only here for the food!”

So I was trying to decide how to write this post without sounding incredibly insensitive… but I cant. I will just be honest. I can be insensitive sometimes. So, this is going to be a post skimming the surface of my insensitivity. I will start off with an analogy. Why I post about my weaknesses I don’t know.

Ok, so you get a cut on your arm and you put a band-aid on it. Later, when you  are pretty sure that the cut is healed you proceed to take of the band-aid ever so carefully. It’s a little painful and it takes a long time. But after it is off it feels fine and the pain doesn’t bother you again. The next time that you have a band-aid to pull you rip it off really fast. It hurts but only for a second. From experiences like this I have developed the”pull it fast” strategy. It works for me. The slow torturous pull never suited me much.

Now, let me compare this to saying goodbye. In goodbyes one may hear something like: ”I will miss you, I am so glad I got to spend as much time with you as I did… I’m so sad….” they may cry a little, give a long hug and it goes on as such. I am a little different. I do a lot better with “Welp. See ya later!” The problem with this is it is later that I feel the pain I think. I do have emotions; (although some may wonder) I just feel them on my own time table. But, if I don’t feel sad, I won’t act sad. Why? I just don’t really get it.

I bring the subject of goodbyes up because this Sunday I experienced a “slow pull.” And as torturous as pulling off band-aids may seem, this was worse. Ok, let me set the scene a little by telling you that I had just got out of church, I was tired, I was hungry and I wanted a little alone time. Ok, then my friend calls me up saying that he wanted to see me before he left. (couldn’t I just say goodbye on the phone?) So he came over and stayed at my house, and stayed and stayed until I was really ready for him to leave. I like the kid generally, but when it is our “last time together” as he put it, it’s kinda annoying. I think I just feel like if you are going to leave, just do it. No sense in drawing it out right? But what do you do in that situation? So basically he kept saying he should go and I kept saying “yeah” and then he would say “I’m really going to miss you” And what do you say that when honestly you don’t really feel the same way? Anyway, I could go on and on about our “last conversation” but it will just make me look worse and bore you to tears. So, I ended up standing up and walking to the door myself and having him follow me. We continued to talk outside. Then I proceeded to tell him that my family would be coming home soon and then we would be having dinner. So he drove away. Then the whole rest of the night I wondered why I didn’t care that he was leaving, and why I wasn’t sad. Wouldn’t I miss him? My usual routine goes this way with goodbyes. I seem to not care until they are actually gone and then it becomes real to me and I feel sad. Problem: Its been a week. And I’m still not sad. Am I hopeless? Heartless?